Why Is Hannah Giving Luke Attention on ‘The Bachelorette’?
Bachelor Nation’s Diggy Moreland writes for Playboy about Hannah’s latest ‘Bachelorette’ drama
I thought had seen it all from The Bachelor franchise, but this season has another monumental first. We now have the first ever male lead on The Bachelorette: Luke P. Better known as “Liar P” in some circles (mainly mine), he has hogged the limelight in a show meant for Hannah to find her forever love and someone to help her apply lotion on that unreachable spot on her mid-back.
As a former contestant on a few of the Bachelor franchise shows, last night’s episode was, for a lack of better words, cringeworthy for even me. The episode starts off with Hannah and Luke arguing over who’s going to pay the check, and finally sick of his nonsense, she sends Luke home … or so she thought. Luke comes back to fight for Hannah because he loves her, but mostly because there was an Uber surcharge, and he wasn’t trying to pay (completely justified).
In probably what is the worst five minutes of this episode, Luke goes on a five-minute rant about how he can’t go home yet because he loves her and because his clothes are still in the washer, and it hasn’t even gotten to the spin cycle yet. After hearing Luke ramble for more than five minutes without using a period, Hannah caves and lets him stay.
Despite what ABC leads you to believe, there are more people on this show besides Hannah and Luke. The problem is, no one knows their names. Later at the cocktail party, some dude—who is dressed like he committed a murder in the library with a candlestick (later identified to be Garrett)—tries to defend Hannah’s honor by picking a fight with Luke. Bachelor Pro Tip: Don’t ever try to defend a woman’s honor wearing stain-proof dockers. It’s not a good look.
After catching Luke in more lies, the guys all try to team up against him, saying he’s a snake, a liar and that he drinks Crystal Light—and Hannah has had enough. She cancels the party because she’s sick of hearing the bickering, but mostly because she finds out that the bartender doesn’t know how to make Aperol Spritz. Do you know how bad a party has to be where the host leaves?
The look in her eye tells us that she wanted to staple the rose to his chest, as opposed to pinning it.
With the worst open bar ever finally over, Hannah gives out roses. The most notable person in my opinion to receive a rose is Dustin because 1) He hasn’t had a line the entire episode, but mostly 2) He wore an adult diaper, so he didn’t have to move from the couch. The rose ceremony continues, and all the notable people who at least had some sort of speaking part in the episode stay: Pete, Tyler, Mike, etc. Just when you think Hannah’s brain cells were starting to get up to speed, she decides to keep the cancer of the house by giving Luke the final rose. The lackluster nature with which Hannah gives Luke this rose tells me this is 110% a producer play. The look in her eye tells us that she wanted to staple the rose to his chest, as opposed to pinning it.
Seeking to get more stamps on their passports, this dysfunctional cast of Family Feud takes the Megabus to Latvia. Why? I don’t know. Trip Advisor has it on the list of: “I advise you not to go here.” The boys get some bonding time with each other by chugging nonalcoholic beer, while Hannah sits down with Chris Harrison to discuss if she can continue this journey because she’s beyond frustrated. Chris lets her know that she’s strong, she can do this, but more importantly, you signed a contract. Cue Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On,” Hannah, because you don’t have a choice.
Overall episode rating: poor. I could’ve made better use of my time by watering my plastic plants.
*Diggy Moreland vied for Rachel Lindsay’s heart on *The Bachelorette *season 13. He also appeared on *Bachelor in Paradise seasons 4 and 5.